Improv Week 10

So, I thought I would sort of improv off an old junkyard quote while using the six word story.

Slut games blossom with spring time.

Reading Response Week 10

For my reading response, I chose the piece “Florida Lives.” This is the piece I’m going to use for the five page paper we have due on Thursday. I like how she started the story with “Roaches don’t die easy deaths; they can survive nearly anything.” This beginning sentence along with the title makes me want to continue reading. After I read this piece, I thought the statement about Roaches was an interesting parallel to the couple’s relationship.  This couple’s relationship should have been over a long time ago, but like the roach they carry on even after there have been so many reasons to end it. I thought Dionne Irving did a great job with specificity within this piece. My favorite piece of specificity is the description of the neighbors.  Also, I like how she used the neighbors as a way for the couple to stay together. They weren’t fighting so much and they were getting alone because they had another couple to focus on. Then, once the couple left, it all started to fall apart again. Like we discussed in class, she used dialogue so sparingly in comparison to how much detail she put into the scenes. Even when she used it, it wasn’t ever really a he said then she said thing. She usually just put in a line or two of dialogue before moving on to another scene. I really enjoyed this piece. This was definitely one of my favorite short pieces we’ve read in class.

Peer Response #2 Week 10

My peer response is on Brittany's Calisthenic for this week.

Orange Shirt

I think sometimes you only use the right chunk of your brain. Wearing your neon orange v-neck t shirt with khaki pants and flip flops. Folding your arms because mama didn't give you the dessert that your mouth was wet for. Stomping your way up the stairs like Godzilla through the narrow streets of Japan. I have always wondered if you actually like your own personality , or if you pretend to be someone else that's frilly and quiet. Of course, this person would be your complete opposite. Just like that orange shirt you are loud and begging to be seen. Sometimes I find myself wishing you to Never-land where the ticking alligator could run you from Goo Lagoon to Skull Island.After doing so, somehow, someway I find that I would miss you. I missed you and your boom box of a voice, even though I would never tell you that. Without you there would be no pink pajama coffee breath breaks in the cricket nights. If you were gone home would be like Treasure Island with no map to mark "X."

my response:

I think this character development started out really specific and I would be interested to see if you do anything with this character. I also found it interesting that in describing the character, you are also describing the narrator. The second and third sentences aren’t really sentences, but I saw that you really developed the specificity within these two phrases. I liked how you described her arms folded because she didn’t get the dessert her “mouth was wet for.” I liked how the narrator made the orange shirt a metaphor for the other character. Also, the specificity of talking about dropping her off at Never –land really added that cinematic touch. Then, the annoyance was turned because the narrator said she would miss her. I liked that turn because it added another layer to the character’s development. Hopefully, you’ll maybe go a little further will the development in order to see what comes next.

Peer Response #1 Week 10

My peer response is on Kelsey's Free Entry located at: http://kflemin.blogspot.com/2012/03/free-entry-eyebrows-week-10.html


You've added so much more to this piece. It's so much better and more detailed. I really liked how you added a little background to that story. It adds a little something more to the piece to know that she is eleven and still plays with Barbies because she loves to create a story for each Barbie. The specificity of her describing how one day the Barbie could be Anastasia or a successful business woman really brings the character more into focus. Then, after starting on Katherine's story, the focus shifts to Tori running into the room so excited about this flame trick she learned. It captures that fantasy became interrupted by the reality barreling in the room in the form of her sister. I like how you didn't immediately go into what her sister wanted to show the narrator. You took your time and described the cabinet, the perfume bottle, and the orange lighter. It made it very cinematic that way. I really liked how you ended the piece. I liked how the mother came in and asked what was burning and then the response was, “my face.” The only question I have is why there are parenthesizes around spindle? Other than that, I thought the piece was very specific and cinematic.

Free Entry Week 10

I've already done my calisthenic for this week so I decided to use what I wrote from class today as my free entry. I didn't get all the way through, but here's what I got so far. I'm not sure it's what we were going for in class, but when I thought about this guy.... this is what came out.

Purple
I think sometimes when you text her those three words only supposed to be directed toward me, you know I'll see it later. Tell me, does she like that robin's egg shirt with the tribal  design on the front because it brings out the blue in your eyes as much as I do? When you rest your head on the pillow with your right arm curled underneath, do you whisper her name or mine before you close your eyes to sleep? I think about your hands inked with black from the press intertwining with hers just like the lacing of a tennis shoe. Did you keep those fingertips locked when you took her  to see the midnight showing of the new Lord of the Rings movie in our movie theater? I saw those plans on your phone.

Calistenics Week 10

Her stoop cradled the withered daises.

Junkyard Quote #4 week 10

Instead of saying stinky feet:

my odor eaters puked

read that in the comic strip Zits