Peer Response #1 Week 10

My peer response is on Kelsey's Free Entry located at: http://kflemin.blogspot.com/2012/03/free-entry-eyebrows-week-10.html


You've added so much more to this piece. It's so much better and more detailed. I really liked how you added a little background to that story. It adds a little something more to the piece to know that she is eleven and still plays with Barbies because she loves to create a story for each Barbie. The specificity of her describing how one day the Barbie could be Anastasia or a successful business woman really brings the character more into focus. Then, after starting on Katherine's story, the focus shifts to Tori running into the room so excited about this flame trick she learned. It captures that fantasy became interrupted by the reality barreling in the room in the form of her sister. I like how you didn't immediately go into what her sister wanted to show the narrator. You took your time and described the cabinet, the perfume bottle, and the orange lighter. It made it very cinematic that way. I really liked how you ended the piece. I liked how the mother came in and asked what was burning and then the response was, “my face.” The only question I have is why there are parenthesizes around spindle? Other than that, I thought the piece was very specific and cinematic.