Calisthenics Week 8

This is a rough beginning to what we talked about in class. I haven't had a lot of time to devote to revising it and adding that second paragraph yet.

The family that lies together stays together. Even when the father turns into Iraq’s Patsy and they maintain arrested in their development, they stay a family. I lay my head on my blue pillow and watch as Michael provides the foundation needed now that he has to become the “head of the household.” He rides a bicycle to work so his mother, sister, and brothers can always have access to the family car. Even though it takes miles, he sees his father in prison. His son George Michael and his cousin become so close their lips lock them together. Why aren’t I that close to my family?

Junkyard Quote #1 Week 9

Talk about twisting something and seeing it differently.

Peer Response #2 Week 8

My second peer response is for Kelsey's piece:

I cleared my throat and manipulated it into a sultry voice, or as sultry as an eleven year old’s voice can get, for Katherine, “Hey everyone, I’m Katherine. Thanks for coming out tonight to see me, I hope it’s—” My younger sister, Audrey, rushed into our bedroom, almost tripping over the mass of rejected barbies. Interrupting Katherine’s big moment she demanded that I follow her, making frantic “come here” gestures with her hands. I dropped Katherine and she fell over in her chair, waiting for me to come back and let her have this change to sing.

She power-walked, feet shuffling along the beige carpet, towards the kitchen repeatedly looking behind her to make sure I was still there, following her.  As her feet slapped onto tile of the kitchen she jammed her slim fingers into the knob of the cabinet beneath the sink and pulled out our dog’s purple spray can of perfume, on it was a picture of a Bichon Frise bounding through tall grass with its mouth open and tongue flung to the side. She handed it over to me, pausing until I took it and then hooked her fingers under the crescent moon pull of what my mother had dubbed the “junk drawer” and grabbed a small orange lighter which she kept for herself.

First of all, I want to read more. I can assume from the title that something BAD is about to happen with the doggie perfume and orange lighter.

I think the beginning where she clears her throat came off rather cinematic. I liked the “or as sultry as an eleven year old’s voice can get” because it makes the reader picture some little girl trying to put on the “older” voice. Also, you added specificity when the narrator stated how Audrey almost tripped over the mass of rejected barbies in her hurry. “Slapped” was a very powerful word to express her transition from carpet to tile. It really does sound like a SLAP when you’re stomping across the floor on a mission. I also like the specificity of what was on the dog perfume and the fact that it was an orange lighter. The "cresent moon pull" was an interesting way to call the handle on the "junk drawer."

Good job. :)

Improv Week 8

Again, I'm using an old Improv since I used smile more than one time. Sorry if you guys are getting tired of seeing it. lol.

On Saturday he came back with tulips

That he knew would remind her that he remembered
the little details about her,

& asked her to retitle their relationship,

Again. I told her congratulations with a smile
That I save for grandma's handmade sweaters every year for Christmas

As I ached to remind her that Ben and Jerry’s Rocky Road

Never undid the goodbyes delivered by text message instead
by mouth.

Peer Response #1 Week 8

My first one is going to be from Brittany's Calisthenic from this week:


I was watching a new vampire show on Netflix, one where vampires actually die in sunlight, not shine. The glorified death of the vampires basked in the beauty of a baby's first steps. Fire scorching their faces while they take one last, maybe first, look at the sunset. The ash of their body waves in the wind as they disappear like the fallen leaves of autumn. Why is their death so easy?
 

I think this is an interesting take on... I don't know which show. I like the reference to Twilight since that has become the new vampire take of this generation. I found the comparison between their death and a baby's first steps one that I would have not put together. Then, you put together ash and autumn leaves. This is the kind of comparison that we've been talking about in class because they are so new and odd. You twisted it because you saw their deaths as something beautiful. You saw it as a new beginning. Easy is the word choice you used. The twist makes me think of someone who is thinking of taking their own life and envious of the fact that they can just walk into the sunlight and die when death in reality is more difficult than that. It's an interesting take on this show since most people would feel sad or angry about the death. The only thing I would make stronger maybe "Fire scorching." Scorching seems available because we understand that fire scorches us if we were to just stand in it and not move. But this is a good start and I want to know more about where this piece is going to go.

Free Entry Week 8

I'm just going to use my workshop piece you guys.

Two For One Special

 There are uneven stripes on the couch. Light blue, white, light blue, black, white, then lastly comes the dried blood color. The pattern starts all over again after that. On the left armrest, my finger pushes between the white and light blue stripes to feel the stuffing inside. When Garrison first brought it home, I couldn’t stick in my pinky, but now my ring finger fits inside. 2 for 1 deal he called it. 50 bucks along with the black gaming chair growing off of him.

           

 I reach for my coffee sitting on my Abnormal Psychology book. That little ring my mother always warned us against has started to form on the title. I look over to Garrison. His fingers alternate the swivel knob and the X button in order to defeat whichever bandit is attacking him on his path through the woods now. Alas, Garrison’s imagery self stands victorious holding the winnings between those little pixelated fingers.

            “Baby,” he called without even glancing away from his journey.

            I put the coffee back down on the ring and continue to memorize the pattern. Light blue, white, light blue…

            “Baby, are you okay?”

            “Yeah.” Black, white, then lastly the dried blood.

           

Junkyard Quote #4 Week 8

You're as subtle as a brick on the small of my back