Peer Response #2 Week 8

My second peer response is for Kelsey's piece:

I cleared my throat and manipulated it into a sultry voice, or as sultry as an eleven year old’s voice can get, for Katherine, “Hey everyone, I’m Katherine. Thanks for coming out tonight to see me, I hope it’s—” My younger sister, Audrey, rushed into our bedroom, almost tripping over the mass of rejected barbies. Interrupting Katherine’s big moment she demanded that I follow her, making frantic “come here” gestures with her hands. I dropped Katherine and she fell over in her chair, waiting for me to come back and let her have this change to sing.

She power-walked, feet shuffling along the beige carpet, towards the kitchen repeatedly looking behind her to make sure I was still there, following her.  As her feet slapped onto tile of the kitchen she jammed her slim fingers into the knob of the cabinet beneath the sink and pulled out our dog’s purple spray can of perfume, on it was a picture of a Bichon Frise bounding through tall grass with its mouth open and tongue flung to the side. She handed it over to me, pausing until I took it and then hooked her fingers under the crescent moon pull of what my mother had dubbed the “junk drawer” and grabbed a small orange lighter which she kept for herself.

First of all, I want to read more. I can assume from the title that something BAD is about to happen with the doggie perfume and orange lighter.

I think the beginning where she clears her throat came off rather cinematic. I liked the “or as sultry as an eleven year old’s voice can get” because it makes the reader picture some little girl trying to put on the “older” voice. Also, you added specificity when the narrator stated how Audrey almost tripped over the mass of rejected barbies in her hurry. “Slapped” was a very powerful word to express her transition from carpet to tile. It really does sound like a SLAP when you’re stomping across the floor on a mission. I also like the specificity of what was on the dog perfume and the fact that it was an orange lighter. The "cresent moon pull" was an interesting way to call the handle on the "junk drawer."

Good job. :)