Reading Response Week 6

http://www.english.upenn.edu/~jenglish/Courses/Spring02/104/steinpicasso.html <~ here is the link I found to the poem I'm talking about in this response.

My reading response is going to be over a poem that I read outside of class that Dr. Davidson recommended for me. It’s called “If I Told Him” by Gertrude Stein. It fits because it’s like the kind of writing we learned about on Thursday. When I first read this poem, there were many points were I had to read it slow and more than once. She uses the same words but rephrases them over and over. For example, she says:

If I told him would he like it. Would he like it if I told him.
Would he like it would Napoleon would Napoleon would would he like it.
If Napoleon if I told him if I told him if Napoleon. Would he like it if I told him if I told him if Napoleon. Would he like it if Napoleon if Napoleon if I told him. If I told him if Napoleon if Napoleon if I told him. If I told him would he like it would he like it if I told him.

Like I said, you have to read it slow and really pay attention since it gets a bit confusing. However, once you get past the confusion, I found that she really twists the language in a unique, undeniably brilliant way.

There is also no meter to this poem. Thankfully, there were spaces between the words unlike the pieces we saw on Thursday. Anyway, once I had read through it twice, I really enjoyed this poem. It goes outside of my comfort zone when it comes to reading so I enjoyed the challenge. I also loved the little bits of language used that stuck out to me. Like, “I judge judge” or “Can curls rob can curls quote, quotable.” I actually might use one or both of those in one of my pieces of writing one day. I really enjoyed this piece and I recommend you guys to read it.

Free Entry Week 6

You guys, I have to be honest. I've got midterms and papers that have taken away my focus. So, this free entry is going to be really short since I haven't really put any focus into writing for this class or myself. It's just going to be a change from my Week 2 Calisthenics.

Original:
2. Kim was angered by her boyfriend.
*Her nails dug into the palms of her hands when he mentioned his ex's boobs and how they filled out a halter top dress better than hers. 

Revised:
She dug her nails into the palms of her hands until she imprinted little crescent moons at Steve's mention of his ex's boobs. Apparently, Stacy's D size bra filled out a red halter better than her C cup.  

Improv Week 6

So, I was trying  to do this during the discussion on Thursday. I'm pretty sure it isn't very good. It also feels very uncomfortable to do it. I kept wanting to put in spaces. But here goes....

symphonies
simsphoneis
morered
symsphoney
seeforme
thatsunsetalsored
ringingofmysymphonies
honeyssimple
ontheside
ofthesunsetlake
simesforme
singingringing
formsend
forsendtome
somemorephonies
soigetred
andringmysing
simphonees

I've never seen so many red squiggly lines telling me i was wrong before....

Peer Response #2 Week 6

Shithole

The bright orange door stuns the eye.
Your body rumbles in unparalleled discomfort
As the Occupied sign is so unholy.
Rotten stench tries to cradle your nose
As your eyes begin to flame.
The chamber door opens and
the welcoming committee of flies swarm
to greet you.
Closing the plastic wall behind you,
your Frosty Flakes from the morning madness
lurch to meet your dry tongue.
Moving fast you drop your drawers
to escape the flimsy torture chamber
to pure clean air.
Your nose is screaming for freedom,
yet in the end you shit
your cares into the
chasm of waste and
remain calm for just one moment
of relief.

I know we are supposed to act like this is a workshop piece, but I have to say thing before I start to act like it: This is amazing :). Ok, Now I can continue.

This piece exudes urgency, which is fitting because it's a piece about the bathroom. The occupied sign being unholy while the "rotten stench tries to cradle your nose" and "your eyes begin to flame" really causes some intense imagery. The flaming eyes is a nice play on the cliche of "your eyes begin to burn." The shitting away of your cares into the chasm of waste really captures language for me because "chasm of waste" is so proper and yet you are talking about shit and you even use that word in the same phrase. Intense then you back off.

Though, maybe you could make the last two lines a little bit more cinematic. Maybe show the relief and calm or even play on the fact that the bathroom smells so bad but in that moment you don't care. Maybe something like, "and for one moment you almost/can smell Febreeze." Though I know that example isn't very good. Maybe just something that shows the relief a little more.

 Great job!

Peer Response #1 Week 6

I'm responding to Kelsey's Improv Week 6

I thought you used vivid detail and language in your piece. You used a new way of expressing the way the table looked without any of the birthday items she imagined laying on the table. It really created a mental picture when you used, “The table lay naked, no cake or presents to clothe it, the ceiling looked lonely with no party of balloons to talk to. The only piece of furniture that had a companion was the brown la-z-boy littered with beer stains that her husband was splayed out in.”

Though, I would maybe use more descriptive language when saying, “hotly walked over.” Maybe say something like, “she stomped over.” You could even cut out the “hotly walked over.” You could just say, “Emily feared the worst and not wanting to wait to hear it, she stood between him and the TV.” Maybe take away the “harshly” when referring to the caress on his face also. It seems a little available since you’ve added that the caress radiated with the anger inside of her.

Also, the language was very cinematic when describing how he attacked her. Her eyes going as wide as the Walmart dinner plates really added that little better of extra specificity that went well with the scene. Interesting way to interpret what happened from that article you read. Keep it up :)

Calisthenics Week 6

So, this is a rough writing. I found "a noise which to cleave the head" in one of the books from class. I wanted to use it somehow and I've got a little writing on it so far.

My heart pushed against my ribs.
A noise which to cleave the head 
sliced through my skull.
No smoke. No scent
of wood making the perfect scene
for a bonfire...
So why the scream from my ceiling?  

Junkyard Quote #4 Week 6

my ability to bull-shit has reached Jedi-Master level, where I have even fooled myself.

 Facebook status.

Junkyard Quote #3 Week 6

Look at my arms waving about. I'm like a flamingo on Ritalin.

Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory.

Flamingo on Ritalin... what would that look like?

Junkyard Quote #2 Week 6

I got this from the badly translated English book:

a noise to cleave the head.


I hope to use this later for an improv or calisthenic. 

Junkyard quote #1 week 6

My senior seminar teacher:

The reason I decided not to get my PhD here is because I have too many degrees from here. I would not be marketable. It's called academic incest.

Free Entry Week 5

So, for my free entry I'm going to do some more dialogue.




"I really like popcorn. The movie theater makes the best kind of popcorn though. When Gary and I go out to see a movie, we have to get the biggest bag so we always have enough to take home."

Hannah looked over at Jezebel who had her paws on the window, her nose almost touching the glass. Apparently, a squirrel had caught her attention. "Do you know if any good movies are playing in the theater right now?"

Jezebel meowed without moving her gaze. The blue jay turned its head in her direction before it took flight. “I saw Crazy, Stupid Love with Gary a couple of weeks ago. We laughed the whole movie! Gary laughed so hard he spilled the popcorn all over the floor. Thankfully, we always get the refillable kind. We just used our free refill after the movie so I could munch on the popcorn when we cuddled on the couch later.”

Imitation Week 5

So, I decided to try my hand at the second stanza from "Man and Wife." Instead of a couple fighting, I did a divorced couple. So, we'll see. I'll probably have to play around with this later.

Now twenty years later, you wear another ring.
Soundly, you hold
her body against your chest like a protector;
your new wedding photos-
intimate, perfect, ruthless-
choke like hands around my heart. 

Reading Response Week 5

My reading response for this week is on “Man and Wife.” I thought this poem was very powerful. The way “the rising sun in war paint dyes us red” just creates a scene. We can picture the sun beaming in on this couple, but it’s not a good thing because this couple is going through a rough time. She’s got his back toward him and he can’t get past the barrier she’s put up between them. Though, the words chosen to describe that scene are her holding the pillow to her hollows like a child. Her tirade “breaks like the Atlantic Ocean” on his head. While this comes on a bit strong, it really shows how deeply this is affecting him. It works that he's a little melodramatic about it because it's dramatic, all consuming moment to him.

This poem also doesn’t confine itself to meter or rhyme. Some of the lines are long while others are short. The first stanza is rather long and then there is a turn to this little short six line stanza to explain the current moment between the couple. I like how this is done because the last stanza becomes more prominent to me. That break makes me take notice that the next stanza is purposely taken away from the other. So, I think that this shift is important. It was because the end of the first stanza talked about how they met. The second stanza is the narrator saying, “Well, twelve years when by and now she’s turned away from me. I don’t know what to do because I can’t help her.”  

Peer Response #2 Week 5

I'm responding to Morgan's Junkyard Quote:
"I hate when people pray and say God or Lord over and over in the prayer. Like- 'Dear Lord God, i just want to thank you God for today. God it was amazing.' We don't talk to each other like that, like- 'Morgan, today was great and Morgan I did so much stuff that with you Morgan, it got ten times better.' Just NO"

I totally agree with you, Morgan. I have often thought about this in church when people pray before a class or sermon. I can't stand when people do that in their prayers. God knows you are referring to him throughout the entire thing. You don't need to remind Him. He probably just sits on his throne and cringes a little whenever someone does this.  I would hate if someone spoke to me like that in conversation.
Though, this made me think about our conversation in class about the family car stickers or the memorial stickers on the back of cars because we all just cringed at the idea. I bet we would all cringe about this too.

Peer Review #1 Week 5

Love Story

Someone is prying my pelvis bone open
from the front
with a crow bar.
Punched from the inside, I breathe big
until the pressure releases.
I push my thumb into my ankle and watch
my thumbprint
slowly decompress
like a hand released from memory foam.
I carry three gallons of extra blood and water around
like Lipton tea.
When I walk my hips pop; I wish I could pop my legs off
and reattach them
like I used to do to my Barbie dolls.
My chest is a road map of blue veins that drive
into darkened areolas.
My head gets faint, and I can feel the pounding of my heart
against my eardrum.
Ritualistic sleeping: one pillow pressed up
against my back,
one
between my knees.
One
for my head,
one
for my arm.
Settle in, breathe. Shift, breathe.
Now I have to pee.
Get up, use the bathroom, lay back down.
Switch sides.
Rearrange pillows.
Sigh.
It feels as if my sides are going to rip
like the college-ruled paper torn
from my notebook.
My tongue, swollen and crinkled
like accordian bag bellows.
Sharp pain
Sweat patches
Metal mouth
Dry heaves
No whiskey
endless tea.
All for the love
of baby-to-be.


April, I truly enjoyed this poem. you used different kinds of lines in order to make your point. Sometimes you would just use one word, while other times you would use many words. The way you wrote, "I feel as if my sides are going to rip/like the college-ruled paper torn/from my notebook." I thought this really brought the image to life while still using a simile that we wouldn't normally think to use. Also, the part about the Barbie dolls. This brought a fresh new kind of meaning to what you wish to do to your legs in order to not have your hips pop. You always can connect things we wouldn't normally think to connect. Though, the crow bar part made me cringe. OUCH. Great job!

Calisthenics Week 5

 Well, here is my dialog from class. I'm not sure how well I did on this exercise, but comments or suggestions are appreciated. :)

"I hate cow tails. My whole family used to eat them when we went on long trips to Florida. I never understood it. A white center with brown coating rolled into a long stick."

"Do you think Florida is still warm since it's almost October?" Lacy questioned as she sat back in her chair. The teacup poised in front of her lips.

"We would always go in the beginning of September. Still shorts weather, but I wouldn't burn like bacon on the first day like I would if we went during the summer." The phone in front of her lit up with the red battery sign.

"Why do they say burn like bacon? Bacon doesn't really burn. It just gets really crispy. I like crispy bacon. My ex used to like floppy bacon, probably why I never respected him. Can't respect a man that likes his bacon floppy."

Junkyard Quote #4 week 5

We were helping my roommate do her English homework. She had to use outside as a noun. My other friend suggested:

The kitty had never seen the outside before, but she was excited to make her mark.

I liked how she used mark as a double meaning :)

Imitation Week 4

I chose once again to improv "My Father's Love Letters." This time I chose the beginning of the poem.

On Saturday he came back with tulips

That he knew would her smile,

& asked her to retitle their relationship,

Again. I kept the frown to just my eyes

As I ached to remind her that Ben and Jerry’s Rocky Road

Never undid the goodbyes.

Calisthenics Week 4

So, in class we were talking about tone and we were to come up with a scenario that is more concrete than these concepts. I chose "forever and ever." I tried to think of a scenerio that we wouldn't really think of when it came to forever and ever. That led me to the graveyard. No guy takes a date to the graveyard in order to really show her what forever and ever looks like. I hope I didn't go overboard.

The heel of her glossy teal shoes sank into the grass. Her eyes moved from one stone to the next as they walked. Dates and names formed a tornado as they swirled around in her mind. His fingers tugged her to keep going. She wanted to ask, but she knew from the quiver in his touch that he was excited about where he was taking her. Her eyes were reading 1819- 1851 when her nose bumped his shoulder. She stepped to the left of him to see why he stopped. Looking down at the tombstone, she found the Jensen’s names, birth, and death dates written together. June 5, 2010 was written as both Boyd and Debora's death date. Underneath it was written: “Fifty years married, but together forever and ever.”

Junkyard Quote #3 Week 5

Junkyard Quote #2 week 5

Today I am due to have my baby. I don't think anyone has told Connor this. I might have to evict him from Hotel Uterus.

 a friend of mine said this just this morning. I giggled :)

Free Entry Week 4

For this week's entry, I thought I would revise my last week's free entry. Here goes:




There are uneven stripes on the couch. Light blue, white, light blue, black, white, then lastly comes the dried blood color. The pattern starts all over again after that. I don't really like the uneven stripes. It's the little OCD quirk I carry with me. I like everything to be even, to make sense as it were. This couch obviously doesn't fit that description. Yet, I keep staring at it because it's better than watching the “hero” from Fable or whatever it’s called on the screen. Or watching my boyfriend's hand control the joystick in a circular manner in order to defeat some bandit trying to steal whatever currency they use in that game. Normally, I can drag on watching the characters for an hour or two until he gets it out of his system; but, this time I can't seem to sit still. Every time a bandit tries to attack from behind a tree by the path, I hope Garrison gets his ass kicked. It physically pains me to watch Garrison’s imagery self stand victorious while holding his winnings between those little pixelated fingers.
But matter how much it causes me to remove a layer off my back molars, I keep my mouth shut. No point in making him pay me any attention when he's got his virtual life to lead. You know, it’s not like I’m wasting my gas to drive the hour even though it’s $3.42 a gallon. So I stare at this uneven couch memorizing the uneven stripes. Light blue, white, light blue..