Reading Response Week 4

My reading response is on the revised version of the sample workshop we’ve been looking at in class. The beginning came off a lot stronger this time around. It no longer had the awkward wording associated with the last one. It started off saying, “All the hype and duffel bags dumped.” This brought the disenchantment to the forefront and I liked how the text no longer had that at the end. The way it was written that “I x-ed our gear off lists with tiny crossbones” read very masculine.  Very strong imagery with the “x-ed” and “tiny crossbones.” I like how the writing was very clear on what was in the duffel bags this time. Much better specificity doing it that way. The specificity of where the soldiers were going was kept in the revision, which I found to be a good thing to keep. I actually had to look up what exactly what was a Chinook. I found out that it was an American twin-engine, tandem rotor heavy-lift helicopter. It was a very appropriate use of jargon I thought. Lastly, it ended with “and our own unreal translations of glory.” I thought this was a good ending to the revision because it showed once again the disenchantment of war. It also is an interesting way of saying that because we don’t usually put unreal next to translations. All in all, I thought this was a much better writing than the beginning.