I think this is very strong. The tulips are specific and the "retitling" of the relationship is clever. I think the best line is I ached to remind her that Ben and Jerry's Rocky Road/Never undid the goodbyes." Great improv here.
The only suggestions can give are to look for different verbs or descriptions to add more specific feeling to the piece. For example, "I held/clutched/curbed the frown/grimace/scowl in my eyes" you might want to play with that line a little more because I think it is an interesting way of showing restraint.
Good job, thanks for sharing :) "I clutched the scowl to my heart"
I think this is very strong. The tulips are specific and the "retitling" of the relationship is clever. I think the best line is I ached to remind her that Ben and Jerry's Rocky Road/Never undid the goodbyes." Great improv here.
ReplyDeleteThe only suggestions can give are to look for different verbs or descriptions to add more specific feeling to the piece. For example,
"I held/clutched/curbed the frown/grimace/scowl in my eyes"
you might want to play with that line a little more because I think it is an interesting way of showing restraint.
Good job, thanks for sharing :)
"I clutched the scowl to my heart"