Peer Response #1 Week 6

I'm responding to Kelsey's Improv Week 6

I thought you used vivid detail and language in your piece. You used a new way of expressing the way the table looked without any of the birthday items she imagined laying on the table. It really created a mental picture when you used, “The table lay naked, no cake or presents to clothe it, the ceiling looked lonely with no party of balloons to talk to. The only piece of furniture that had a companion was the brown la-z-boy littered with beer stains that her husband was splayed out in.”

Though, I would maybe use more descriptive language when saying, “hotly walked over.” Maybe say something like, “she stomped over.” You could even cut out the “hotly walked over.” You could just say, “Emily feared the worst and not wanting to wait to hear it, she stood between him and the TV.” Maybe take away the “harshly” when referring to the caress on his face also. It seems a little available since you’ve added that the caress radiated with the anger inside of her.

Also, the language was very cinematic when describing how he attacked her. Her eyes going as wide as the Walmart dinner plates really added that little better of extra specificity that went well with the scene. Interesting way to interpret what happened from that article you read. Keep it up :)