Peer Response #1 Week 3

This is a response to David's free entry.

Entry:

Look at him, another blonde buzz cut. This isn't even my event; I should have won kata. I'm much better at attacking imaginary targets, but Talky MacChubsters here stole that one from me. Good thing he's wearing the red gloves and belt today 'cause I'm feeling like a Spanish bull. Sure he's about 4 inches taller than me, but I can cover the four corners of the ring a lot quicker than he can. Especially with this sparring gi, it's like I'm wearing packing foam, white and weightless.

Hajime! The referee calls out "Go!" in Japanese. Finally. I dance around like a boxer, relaxed and shifting my weight from my front leg to the back one and then back again. My hands are up in front of my face; Hasaan would never let me forget that. If I had to float around the ring for the entirety of the 7 minutes, I could. But I have to score points to win, so I throw out a couple of jabs to see how fast he is, what his tells are, how my reach compares to his. Suddenly, I feel a like someone swung a bag of still-drying cement up under my ribs. Did I just get kicked in the lungs? I drop to one knee and throw one of my blue gloves up to let everyone know that hurt more than is should have. One of rules is to "demonstrate control," that's a violation of the "excessive force" rule. So no flipping that score card, Mr. Scorekeeper.

Yes, Mrs. ... why are you wearing a business suit in a fighting ring? Anyway, I'm not done playing with this guy. He stole my gold medal, and I want one to replace it. So I throw three scoring punches: one to the cheek, one to his open chest, and one right between his naive eyes to let him know who has the skills to take 1st place at nationals. I didn't ride that rickety excuse for a plane to go home without a gold. After all the time is up and no scoring points for the last 2 minutes - I knew he couldn't keep up with me - I finally get to walk up to the business suit lady, hear "Beginners Fighting National Champion!" and have her put the red, white, and blue cord around my neck. I'll remember the weight of this medal, even though it should be two golds.

  

Response:

I really liked David’s free entry. I like the tone he puts into this entry. As a reader, I can definitely get a clear sense of the narrator. The beginning was perfect! “Look at him, another buzz cut” really causes the reader to feel his guy’s contempt for this other guy. Then, as he continued, the narrator gives enough information to explain how the other guy “stole” the gold medal away from the narrator without going into a tangent. He makes it pertinent to this moment in the ring. I also loved how he said that he was feeling “like a Spanish bull.” That really carries a heavy image for the reader because we can see him charging at this other guy in the ring. It’s written just like someone would think, but has a lot of “showing” within the text.

Good job, David!

calisthenics Week 3

Cliches are bad, mmkay?

~The moon was beautifully full, and the stars shone like diamonds in the sky.~
The moon poked his face from behind the curtain while the stars circled like tiny spotlights upon the crowd.



~We held hands and let the breeze dance in the air while the ocean waves tickled our feet~
Our fingers locked against the breeze as it pushed us toward the jellyfish camouflaged within the waves.

Works in progress obviously. These were my first thoughts on the exercise given today.

Junkyard quote #3 week 3

My favorite southern cliche:

I'm sweating like a whore in church!

Imitating Week 2

For my imitation this week, I'm going to try to imitate the first four lines of the "Rattlesnake" poem. The first four lines of the poem are:

I found him sleepy in the heat
And dust of a gopher burrow,
Coiled in loose folds upon silence
In a pit of the noonday hillside.

I decided to talk about a cat stalking prey in the woods.

I found him spying in the frond
and shade of the forest green,
crouched in ready pounce upon
the landing of the unseen butterfly

Free Entry Week 2

This is my rough draft on the cooking prompt given to us at the beginning of the week. I was actually really surprised by where my writing took me this time.It's not finished at the moment, but this is what I have so far. It's very loosely based on fact, but it turned out to be more of faction piece. Here goes nothing!

My husband loves my chili. Spit hugs the corners of his mouth when he walks through the door. He smells the beans and deer meat he killed swirling together in the pot. Even if I already shook in the spices, he always throws in a few more pinches of Cayenne pepper. The heat causes my nose to wrinkle. I don’t like my food to take off layers of taste buds, but I’ve learned to chase each spoonful with milk even after I add cheese and fritos to my portion. This routine defines my chili experience.

            My father’s philosophy on chili still remains, “If I’m not sweating, I’m not happy.” It’s a wonder he has any taste sensation left. I married a male with the same values. Back when we first were dating, chili time became discussion time between the two. During this time, Gary would sometimes get up and reach into the fridge or spice cabinet if my dad asked him to grab something. Then he would go back to his chosen chair and continue with whatever topic they were discussing at that point. Considering the chili contained meat from my father’s hunting trips, it was usually about hunting. There was no point in watching my father’s methods while he cooked because it changed every time. I still did anyway. I don’t hunt so I didn’t have much to add to the conversation. It was just nice watching my dad and future husband talk while in the kitchen together. Even though every time I make the chili my nose wrinkles, my heart melts like the spice into the pot.

Reading Response Week 2

            For my reading response, once again I’m writing on Abducted by Circumstance. However, my response is going to be on Dr. Davidson’s request that we pick out five “showing” passages from the book. In the beginning of the book, there were most instances of this happening. Toward the end of the book, there were fewer instances. Since we have focused mainly on showing and not telling lately, I found it appropriate to discuss my two favorite examples.

            On page 81, the beginning of Chapter Four, Madden unfolds the scenery Carol’s pictures in her mind about the kidnapper. Carol pictures him smoking and how he smokes. He sucks in the smoke, pauses for a moment, then “spews” out the smoke. As he continues, the reader can see the flex in his muscles, the way his voice sounds, etc. I really like the way he writes, “when he speaks, like that southern redneck TV evangelist.” Growing up in the south, I can definitely say that I can concretely imagine the kind of voice the kidnapper has in her mind.

            The second “showing not telling” instance that I highlighted was in Carol’s description of James on page 71. I always read it that she sees him on a pedestal; but, Carol did say in the beginning of the book that James was the love of her life. She talks about his eyes and how he displayed himself in front of her desk. I just love the delicate detail of her description. The way Madden writes it, not only does the reader have a clear description of James but there is the undertone of her feelings for him. At least in my opinion, I see it that way.

Junkyard quote #2 week 3

My religions book again:

"When he cut up an ox, out went a hand, down went a shoulder. He planted a foot, he pressed with a knee, and the ox fell apart with a whisper. The bright cleaver murmured like a gentle wind. Rhythm! Timing! Like a sacred dance."

Junkyard quote #1 week 3

My religion book:

One may move so well that a foot-print never shows, speak so well that the tongue never slips, reckon so well that no counter is needed.

Calisthenics Week 2

We talked about "active voice" in class. I did three of the scenarios given and they were:

1. The math problem was hard.
*Jim sighed as he placed his head in his hands. His pen laid upon the blank space instead of his answer.

2. Kim was angered by her boyfriend.
*Her nails dug into the palms of her hands when he mentioned his ex's boobs and how they filled out a halter top dress better than hers.

3. It was a nice spring day
*The tadpole awakened beneath the Sun's rays.

Also, we talked in class about how we should think of a small question that carries a lot of thought with it. I immediately thought about pain and how I once had a kidney stone. This is what I came up with:

Have you ever been in so much pain that your vision filled with a bright light even though you weren't dying? 

Peer Response #2 Week 2

Value Life

use your eyes..
to see the world around for what is really is...
the masterpiece in which we have somehow worked our way to be a part of..
a world which is good and pure and epic..

use your fingers..
with them color blank dull empty pages..
write love letters to those you can't say 'I Love You' to enough to convey your full emotions...
scribble on the walls in red crayola as if would be the new Mona Lisa...

use your feet..
to dance as if Elvis was right there..
as if it was the only way to move..
move them as if it was the last thing you would feel..

use your ears..
to hear the rock music of the ages..
with them hear Shakespeare's sonnets and words and rhymes...
listen to the mother hear as her babe says "I Love You' for the very first time...

use your arms..
to enfold those you love..
lift up the heavy burdens in your life and chuck them away..
to carry a bit of Fairy Dust in sacks, and let the glitter fall..

use your legs..
use them to run wild in the greenest fields..
dive into the deep blue vast ocean from a cliff..
propel yourself to ones at last come home from a long journey..

use your lips..
to scream as loud as a mad sports fan...
talk as if it was a long soliloquy and laugh as if a comedy ...
and kiss the one you love so passionately that you rival The Notebook..

use your body..
to move in all mad crazy directions that only you understand..
move it as is you have been awaking from life's coma..
thrust it to the beat of the music and the tinglings in your toes..

use your life...
to live as if no one was watching and judging you...
live like there was nothing better do do...
as if it was the only way to move in one way traffic..
living as if nothing else mattered but true bliss..
as if love songs were real and happening..
as if you just took your first breath..
live cuz it truly matters to live without regrets...

This is my response to this MoFoster's Poem. I really like this poem! I really like the "use your body.." section because I have often joked about moving to my own personal music and I share that love my nephew when we dance together in the living room. I also really liked the "awaking from life's coma." That was a great way to say that.  I like the specificity of the types of poems (ie. Shakespeare), music (ie. Elvis), etc. It's all about the splendor of life involve in the different body parts and lastly the whole of the person's life. Good job! 

Junkyard quote 5 week two

No matter how hard the wind blow, the mountain cannot bow to it.

I was watching Mulan. :)

Junkyard Quote #4 week 2

You can set a broke clock to the right time but it does not mean it is going to work.

My friend said that to me just a few minutes ago.

Junkyard Quote 3 Week 2

My friend's boyfriend is a chef  who hates ketchup. He described the way his ex girlfriend used to smother him in comparison to her perfectly done smother:

"Your smother is like a steak covered in mozzarella cheese and sautéed mushrooms. Her smother was like fries drown in ketchup."

It made me giggle how of course a chef would come up with a food comparison.

Peer Response #1 Week Two

I'm responding to Taylor's Free Entry 1 (week 2)

I really like this entry. My favorite part of the entry was the end when you wrote:
 

I turn
and step over,
onto the scattering ants
feeling intense humor,
a surge of sick happiness,
flow over me
like the waves of dirt
flowing through the crevices
and hallways of the mind.

I like how you the created a simile between the sick happiness and the waves of dirt flowing through the mind. It was a great connection I think.

The only thing I would change would be: straight as an arrow

It is a cliché. I would put in maybe “straight as the lines they make” or something like that.

Other than that, I really liked it! You’re doing a good job with your writing!