Sunday, March 4, 2012

Calistenics Week 7

I only used a little from Taylor's Q and A scenario.

She keeps to herself,
the lady across the street.
Like a shadow in the corner of your eye
that hides when you
turn your head.

When cars would pass
and pause our footballs games,
I would look up in the second floor window
between the flaking green shutters hoping
to catch a whisper of
Mrs. Wilson,
or so said the name plate on the mailbox.

1 comment:

  1. The piece uses the in-class callisthenic exercise expertly to achieve an image of Taylor’s life, but transformed into a piece of beautiful language. The second stanza describing the paused football games catches the voice of what we heard in class, and then adds another layer of specificity with the flaking green shutters. I would like to see the work create the image of the woman across the street more and by that I mean he glimpses that we do get to see what are they like? Could the shadow in the corner of your eye also be her moving into the kitchen? For future revisions, I think using more of the names of the streets and some of the colors given to us by Taylor would be helpful in that cinematic direction.

    ReplyDelete